After seeing Miss Liana's geek week posting showing her collection of Liana 'Kelly' dolls I started to wonder if it was really safe working with her in the studio. It's a bit weird. We haven't asked residents before to undergo psychological testing but now might be a good time to start.To try to normalise her fetish, here are a few of my favourite dolls. Because I'm really normal.
The 'Pretty in Plaid' Barbie was a present from my workmates when I quit fulltime hard labour at the library 7 years ago. But not before taking my employer to the Industrial Relations Commission for daring to move my desk (true!). In losing the case (due entirely to the outrageous political influence of the conservative party anti-worker legislation), I was left with no other option but to quit in pique and set up my jewellery studio, something I'd been avoiding since graduating college 6 years before.
I think my cybrary workmates got me a barbie because I so needed a few pointers in the personal grooming dept. As a child I never had a Barbie though secretly desired one. Thus I missed out on acquiring the skills so critical to the development of a successful female. My younger sister had campervan barbie, spa barbie, pool barbie, crystal barbie and Ken and all I had was some cheap barbie ripoff air hostess doll whose legs would not even bend backwards. My sister is now married with 3 children and I'm rebecca-the-wrecker.
As a direct result of barbie deprivation during the developmental stage of feminisation, I went through a mercifully brief stage of melting and cutting up barbies into jewellery and meathook sculptures during the latter half of a gold and silversmithing degree. While the results had none of the sophistication of an exquisite Margaux Lange design, this did enable me to avoid learning how to set faceted gemstones. Today I still don't know how to use makeup and I cut my own hair into a variety of scarecrow influenced styles. But Pretty in Plaid Barbie helps me to understand the concept at least. She stands on top of my bookcase and commits suicide everytime a train rattles past. I think the thought of public transport fills her with despair. And any children who visit and ask to play with Miss Pretty in Plaid are given short shrift indeed.
My Novas Infinite Doll (number 11) is one of Florence Forrest's wonderful creations and an essential for all radiation affected geeks. Novi sits next to my computer and soaks up electromagnetic radiation which it needs to survive. Sometimes Novi helps me sort through old keyboards to find stuff for my neo-luddite range. Like the Barbie, Novis are not really suitable for young children. A little baby who was visiting with his mother the other night mistook the electromagnetic radiation absorption beak for something that might dispense breast milk. Poor Novi! He is in trauma counselling.