Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Geek Week 2: False idolls

After seeing Miss Liana's geek week posting showing her collection of Liana 'Kelly' dolls I started to wonder if it was really safe working with her in the studio. It's a bit weird. We haven't asked residents before to undergo psychological testing but now might be a good time to start.To try to normalise her fetish, here are a few of my favourite dolls. Because I'm really normal.
The 'Pretty in Plaid' Barbie was a present from my workmates when I quit fulltime hard labour at the library 7 years ago. But not before taking my employer to the Industrial Relations Commission for daring to move my desk (true!). In losing the case (due entirely to the outrageous political influence of the conservative party anti-worker legislation), I was left with no other option but to quit in pique and set up my jewellery studio, something I'd been avoiding since graduating college 6 years before.
I think my cybrary workmates got me a barbie because I so needed a few pointers in the personal grooming dept. As a child I never had a Barbie though secretly desired one. Thus I missed out on acquiring the skills so critical to the development of a successful female. My younger sister had campervan barbie, spa barbie, pool barbie, crystal barbie and Ken and all I had was some cheap barbie ripoff air hostess doll whose legs would not even bend backwards. My sister is now married with 3 children and I'm rebecca-the-wrecker.
As a direct result of barbie deprivation during the developmental stage of feminisation, I went through a mercifully brief stage of melting and cutting up barbies into jewellery and meathook sculptures during the latter half of a gold and silversmithing degree. While the results had none of the sophistication of an exquisite Margaux Lange design, this did enable me to avoid learning how to set faceted gemstones. Today I still don't know how to use makeup and I cut my own hair into a variety of scarecrow influenced styles. But Pretty in Plaid Barbie helps me to understand the concept at least. She stands on top of my bookcase and commits suicide everytime a train rattles past. I think the thought of public transport fills her with despair. And any children who visit and ask to play with Miss Pretty in Plaid are given short shrift indeed.

My Novas Infinite Doll (number 11) is one of Florence Forrest's wonderful creations and an essential for all radiation affected geeks. Novi sits next to my computer and soaks up electromagnetic radiation which it needs to survive. Sometimes Novi helps me sort through old keyboards to find stuff for my neo-luddite range. Like the Barbie, Novis are not really suitable for young children. A little baby who was visiting with his mother the other night mistook the electromagnetic radiation absorption beak for something that might dispense breast milk. Poor Novi! He is in trauma counselling.


Florence said...

I never had a Barbie either, and like you, my sister had several, I never had any inclination towords them, I just could not relate to the whole ordinary human being type doll, how boring. Give me Gover; with his big pink nose, blue fur and big red line for a mouth.

That said, I spent most of my spare time from school in my pjs, so dress sense also had to be aquired. Which I did at uni crawling through the op shops before it became cool and expensive.

I hope Novi will be alright, I could bring around some of his fellow Novas Infinite for some group therapy sessions if needed.

Rebecca-the-Wrecker said...

Yes it is a wonder we are both able to function as adults without the barbie upbringing. Or maybe I am kidding myself.
I think Novi is feeling better now- it was just such an awful shock when the giant human baby mouth attacked!

Liana said...

I had about twenty Barbie dolls. I was particularly fond of the one that self tanned.

Let me tell you that having Barbies does not leave you without trauma of the female kind. I clearly remember playing with my cousin's Barbie who was wearing a sweet sixteen t-shirt. I believed that when I turned sixteen I would look like her. But alas......

Rebecca-the-Wrecker said...

I think that having your hair turn pink and clothes turn black at age 16 is much groovier than lookin like barbie.

June said...

I never had a 'barbie' Barbie either, but one Christmas, in my early adolescence, I was given a 'giant' barbie type doll. I was mortified. There was no balance in her composition and she could only stand on her toes. What sort of doll was this and why was santa clause giving it to me? I know my Novas Infinite (12) has much more purpose. I think Rebecca, that if you own a Novas and indeed, have a Coatie soon to enter the house, then unlike pretty in plaid you didn't come in a box but more possibly in brown paper and string. My children did. I think you should have a party when Coatie arrives, I will bring my Novas (12), her name is Alison.

Rebecca-the-Wrecker said...

I am intrigued to hear how your children arrived in packages of brown paper and string. I heard that the process involved hours/days of pain and grunting but this must be another one of those silly myths that we women are sold. Yes a party is definitely in order for Coaties arrival- maybe we can have a teddy bear's picnic - so everyone can bring along their dolls/bears!!

Florence said...

A teddy Bear & dolls picnic sounds great. Lilli&Tom would like to come too.

Will be able to start working on Coatie soon.

June said...

The pain and grunting is no myth, but I'm sure I saw brown paper and string, it was so long ago, maybe is was the wrapping off my book.

A teddy and doll picnic does sound the go.

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